the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
