College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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