sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
