just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
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Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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