I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
