Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
