I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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