Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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