she was so not down for the gang bang
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
