im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
