I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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