Sponge bath it is.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
