Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
