You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
