Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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