RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
