When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
