my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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