remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
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Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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