Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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