This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
