I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
