its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this will be a night to untag.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
