So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
