Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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