Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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