We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We have started to decorate penises.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
