Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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