Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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