Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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