Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
