I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dick very happy bro
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
