He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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