I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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