I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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