just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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