He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
