I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
