fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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