I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
