Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
