Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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