Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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