I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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