So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
