Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
