my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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