at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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