I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am naked and annoyed.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
