just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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