She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada†on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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