apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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