Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
