Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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