I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
