it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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