I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Go christen that room with your naked body.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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