i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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