fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Your tits are I can't wait for
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
