oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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