so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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