Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
