True but thats because hes a fetus.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
