my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
