Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
