Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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