i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
