just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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